Over twenty years ago, Marcella knew she would be losing her son, George, at birth because of a rare, fatal disease that would not allow him to live outside the womb.
This interview with Marcella is part of the “How to Help Your Child Leave a Legacy” series. To listen to the podcasts, please click on Part 1(44) or Part 2(45) below.
Although it was originally created for mothers who lose a child, The Comfort Cub has effectively been used to provide profound relief for the loss of any loved one, adoptions, trauma, occupational and autism therapy. She also works closely with the San Diego Police Department in their Trauma Intervention Program, The SD County Emergency Shelter for Children, Domestic Violence Centers and Forensic Health and child abuse victims. Her goal is to help bring healing to anyone experiencing a significant loss or trauma in their life.
She has won several awards for helping those in need including the Soroptimist International “Women Helping Women Award, The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation “Women to Watch Award”, The Channel 10 “Leadership Award” and has received Special Congressional Recognition for outstanding and invaluable service to her community.
Marcella is the mother of five children, has been married for 32 years and lives in San Diego, California. She is a graduate of the University of California at Santa Barbara and has been a tireless volunteer to many non-profit organizations in the San Diego area.
The Comfort Cub does just what it was intended to do. It brings comfort to me when the loss of my son Drake gets overwhelming. I lost my son Drake to Undifferentiated Sarcoma 9 years ago. After 9 years, the days can still be so raw.
There is something about the weight of this bear that gives a calming sense. Every time I look at the cub or pick it up, it makes me happy that someone thought about me in my never-ending nightmare.
This is my daughter, Sandy Casey. She was one of the 58 taken from us in the Las Vegas shooting on October 1, 2017 (at the Route 91 Harvest Festival Concert). This Comfort Cub was given to me by Beverly, she herself was a victim of the Vegas shooting. She had this cub personalized in honor of my daughter Sandy!
Sandy was a special Ed teacher and a very special one. She would call her students “her kids” and she would go to great lengths to stand by her students. This cub is a very special teddy bear. It has to live up to the person that Sandy was. Thank you so much to Beverly for always going above and beyond for the memory of our sweet girl Sandy.
NOTE: Beverly is one of our “super ambassadors” of the Comfort Cub, raising money and awareness about the cub. She sends ripples of kindness and has distributed cubs to many people who are in need of a hug. We are in awe of Beverly’s kindness!
Words cannot express what this means to me (to receive a Comfort Cub). My son passed away on January 6, 2017. He stepped in front of a truck. He served in the army as a sergeant for two tours. When he came back he had PTSD. It broke my heart. He had just turned 32 on January 29th. He was my baby and only son out of three children.
He is truly missed by me everyday. Thank you to everyone who has suffered the tragic loss of a loved one. And to the young lady that these bears were made in her honor. Bless You.
NOTE: We have encountered amazing people who have cubs on hand to give to others in need. They have raised funds on their own to purchase these cubs. Beverly gave a Comfort Cub to this woman and she wrote to tell Beverly how much it means to her to have this cub. We are so grateful to you Beverly, and so thankful you gave her a cub.
Our world came crashing down on February 18, 2017 when we were told our son’s heart had stopped beating at 32 weeks 5 days gestation. Asher Ray Lied came silently into the world on February 19, 2017 at 2:18p. The following day we were discharged to go home without our son. Before I was wheeled out of the hospital, my nurses handed me a teddy bear (that they had purchased for us) to fill my empty arms. Since then, I have slept with that bear every single night. It accompanied us on our family vacation and even represented Asher in our family photos. It is priceless to me.
A few weeks after Asher was born, we reached out to our local hospital and asked what we could do to give back to them in our son’s name. We were directed to the Comfort Cub. Having left the hospital with a teddy bear instead of my child, I knew from experience how meaningful it is to have SOMETHING to fill your arms; something to hug when the grief is too much, something to represent your child’s existence in this world.
Donating the Comfort Cubs is one way Asher touches the lives of other grieving families. He literally fills their empty, aching arms with a bear to cuddle when their hearts hurt too much. In addition to our bear donations, a fellow loss mother and I started a resource website (The Lucky Anchor Project), social media page (Instagram), and Etsy shop called the Lucky Anchor Project in honor of our boys. Our shop creates custom ornaments and mugs honoring children who were briefly with us. All of our profits are then donated to other loss non-profit organizations. Losing Asher gave me a new purpose in life; to do anything to make his brief life known to the world. Thank you to the Comfort Cub for sharing Asher’s story and for giving us a way to give back to others affected by infant loss in his name.
Note from editor. How Lucky Anchor got its name: Amy associates anchors with Asher because his nursery was nautically themed and her friend associates clovers with her son, Ezra, because he was born on St. Patty’s day. ⚓️🍀 Thus, Lucky Anchor 🙂
My name is Beverly K. and I live in a small town in Upstate New York – 1 hr. from Montreal, Canada and 2 hrs. from Vermont. I have worked for over 17 yrs. with the Office of Mental Health at a maximum-security prison in New York. I have family in Las Vegas and I would visit at least once a year. On October 1, 2017, I attended the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Vegas.
I am a survivor of the largest mass shooting in US history. As automatic gunfire rained down upon the crowd, I became one of those who prayed to just make it out alive. I huddled on the ground with 22,000 people. I watched as those within feet of me were hit with bullets and did my best to find an escape route to safety. 58 innocent lives were taken that horrific night. There were over 840 shot and injured. I am one of the 20,000 being treated for severe PTSD. I survived and there are many days I have asked myself WHY.
Through this tragedy and in my journey of trying to heal over the past 2 years I have found a new purpose. One of our online support groups was promoting doing Random Acts of Kindness to honor the 58 lives that were lost. It was a way for us to heal and give back.
Sandy Casey and her fiance, [photo via Facebook]
We also encouraged others to do the same – to spread kindness. I got involved with a fundraising campaign for the University of Vermont Children’s Hospital. I created a team to raise money for the hospital and donated in honor of Sandy Casey. Sandy was a 35 year-old Special Education Teacher from Vermont who died that horrible night. Her passion was children with special needs. She died in her fiancé’s arms – they never had the chance to have children of their own. I knew that any money I raised would be donated to honor her memory and give back to sick children and their families.
I continue to raise money each year for this hospital, however this year I wanted to add something different to my Random Acts of Kindness. When I first saw the Comfort Cub, I knew that this was something that would help so many suffering from trauma and/or loss. I decided to start a fundraising effort for the Comfort Cubs. I knew that if I raised at least $1,000 I could then distribute the cubs to those who truly could benefit from them.
I am also doing this to honor Sandy Casey. I know she is looking down on us and would
absolutely love the Comfort Cubs and all that they stand for. I believe that if we each do a small part to make the lives of someone else a little brighter that the world will be a better place.
In April 2017, my husband and I lost our 9 month old daughter, Zoey, to what we later found out was an aggressive and rare form of pneumonia. A good friend of mine was given a Comfort Cub by a coworker to pass along to me. Apparently her own loss inspired her to keep a trunk of Comfort Cubs handy to give out to grieving mothers.
Since then my husband and I have donated Cubs to the funeral home that handled our daughter’s services. My sister in law hosted a donation-based yoga class for those living with grief and raised enough money to purchase Cubs to have on hand for mothers at our local hospital. We have even incorporated the cub into family photos. It is a way for us to represent that our family has another member who isn’t physical with us anymore.
Tiffani’s daughter playing with their cub who represents the sister who isn’t physically with them, but represents the love they all have for her. Photo Credit: Holly Plumadore
One of the cubs is going to the sister of a friend who lost her 5 year old daughter after complications from her treatments for leukemia.
So many beautiful people stepped forward with acts of kindness, big and small, when we lost our Zoey. My sister in law called it a “ripple of love”. We just want to keep it going.
Thanks for helping our little ripple of love and light move along.
The Day of the Dead, otherwise known as Día de los Muertos, is a Mexican custom celebrated on November 1st and 2nd. It has been our family tradition, since I have had use of reason, to put a little altar up with offerings of the favorite food and drink of family members and loved ones who have passed away. Other items such as pictures, memories and items representing our lost loved ones are also placed on on the altar. For the past several years, since my introduction to Comfort Cub, I have placed my Comfort Cub on my altar to commemorate and remember my lost child. I nicknamed my lost child Beanie Baby and it has seemed even more fitting to have my Comfort Cub represent my child’s memory.
This shows our family altar with their favorite foods and photos to commemorate and celebrate
It is believed that on the night of November 1st and 2nd your loved ones come from the other realm, from heaven, or wherever else they might be, to join those that remember them and visit while joining in a meal and bestowing their blessings upon those they are remembered by. Mexican people go and have feasts and visit their dead at the cemeteries on these days and many Mexican Americans have altars at their home and pray and remember them by giving them these offerings.
Every year this tradition brings me to tears. To just think or talk about putting my little Comfort Cub on that altar and not having my little boy is heart breaking and yet at the same time it also brings me joy to be able to celebrate the significance of my child’s existence. The Comfort Cub is a representation of my Beanie Baby, since I have no picture of my lost child, and symbolizes the love and memory that I will always have for him. The thought of my child visiting from wherever he might be gives me a deep sense of happiness and to have them see the Comfort Cub (for me my Beanie Baby) at the family Día de los Muertos altar to let him know that his mother has never forgotten him brings warmth to my heart.
This shows my daughters and I being Comfort Cub ambassadors and talking about The Comfort Cub to the Kiwanis Club where we received a small grant.
Since my loss I have had the blessing of having 3 beautiful little girls, whom I adore, but I have never forgotten my first child. Now that they are old enough and understand and participate in our family traditions they know the significance of his memory and help me place our Comfort Cub on the altar along side images of their Great Grandparents and lost loved ones. It is beautiful to celebrate the existence and significance of the life of those you have loved that have left this world and to remember the impact their life, long or short, has had.
This image is of my twins. It was a miracle for me to have them and in memory of my Beanie Baby, the son I lost, I dressed them up as little Cubs.
I got my Comfort Cub almost 8 years ago, after the lowest and worst point in my life. My bear was a huge comfort in my darkest days. Now he is an important member of our family. When I got him, this is what runs through my mind, “When was the last time you felt him move?” – that was the moment “BeforeHolly,” before I died too. It’s been many years… and I still remember what I was wearing, what the room looked like… and the kindness of the doctor sent in to confirm what I was afraid of.
Our first child, Max, didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. He would be stillborn at 27 weeks. We headed straight from the doctors office to the hospital to begin the emotionally and physically painful process of delivering our son. I remember the next few days in fast forward, blurred by never ending tears and, thankfully, by my minds ability to protect itself.
When it was time for us to go home, I was a broken shell of the person I had been, almost catatonic with pain and emptiness. Instead of leaving with my baby, I was given a keepsake box with his hospital blanket, his footprints, a few pictures… and my Comfort Cub. MaxBear was who I held when I should have been wheeled out my baby. MaxBear absorbed all the tears I could cry for many, many, many months.
I carried him around the house, I held him tightly as I cried myself to sleep at night. I laid him on my chest with his weight pressed into me and it helped fill the void left behind by my dead son. MaxBear was a prominent and important part of my recovery and my life as I moved forward. He was a tangible piece that connected who I was now to who I had been before. He held the memory of my son when it was easier for others to move on for me.
Holding MaxBear was a reminder that I was a mother, even if there was no longer evidence outside of a bear. This bear made the darkest part of my life feel livable. I clung to him until I gave birth to our rainbow, and even now he lives in our children’s room and they know his story and his importance.
MaxBear is a part of our family still and my kids all go to grab him for story time and to sleep next to, so it still feels that my first son is a part of my life and a brother to my kids through this bear. I am so thankful for my ComfortCub and the initial story that his tag came with, the story that didn’t make me feel alone for the first time since I had heard we lost our son.
If a Comfort Cub could only help one person, it would still be a beautiful thing. That there are so many that go out to people who need them is incredible.
Thank you for my bear, Holly, mom of Max (Asher, Jack, and Brynn)
There are certain people you come across in this world that make you sit back and realize that the universe, God, your source energy, or whatever it is you believe, truly has a path for you. Along my path, I was given the chance to work for a nonprofit organization called Up with People.
At my very first Up with People reunion, I once again, continued to follow my path which brought me to meet a woman that you all may know very well, Marcella.
When she first approached me, Marcella asked if I could take a photo of her with her bear. I didn’t know anything about The Comfort Cub. I only saw a sweet woman holding a teddy bear. After taking a few photos and sharing a few laughs with a new friend, she asked me to hold her bear for her. That’s not a totally random question to ask a stranger, of course I’ll hold your bear! I wasn’t sure where this was going, but the moment I hugged that adorable, furry little cub, my heart filled with something warm.
I instantly felt a sense of comfort wash over me. After running around working the event on maybe three hours of a sleep over the course of a few days, constantly running around and being pulled in a million different directions, I can only begin to explain how exhausted and stressed I was. The minute I held that bear in my hands, I needed to know why I felt so at ease.
A few months later, I finally received my own Comfort Cub in the mail and wanted to share with all of you my story of how The Comfort Cub helped me, a seemingly normal twenty-something-year-old, and why I wanted to be a part of this organization’s mission.
I suffer from major depression and anxiety. The kind that keeps you locked in your bed for days on end and you can’t seem to get out or figure out why in the first place. These disorders, along with a few other issues I have developed over the last two years, have caused significant disruption in my life, and I’m sure there are many people that can attest to the hardships that some of these disorders come with.
My Comfort Cub couldn’t have come at a better time. I was moving, struggling with work and personal issues, and to top it off, winter was approaching with the first snowfall of the season. I was having a very difficult time. A large box sat on my desk that afternoon. I unwrapped the package and immediately started squeezing my bear. I could feel the flood of calmness rush over me.
Typically, I have my sweet little puppy, Luna, to run to for emotional support, but you can’t bring your dog to work (unless you have a work environment that is conducive to that) or the grocery store or out shopping or to various gatherings. But what you can bring, is a bear.
I am happy to say that since my path has crossed with Marcella and her organization, I have been sharing her story with everyone I know. Because the truth is, while The Comfort Cub can help with various types of losses and tragedies in a person’s life, it can also help someone who’s heart needs mending on a daily basis.
I’m not sharing my story to make anyone feel bad for me or to put my personal life on blast for the world to look at me differently for. I’m sharing my story simply because I want others to realize the importance of what The Comfort Cub is doing for people all over the country, and hopefully someday the world. I’m just grateful that I get to be a part of their journey.
Thank you, Marcella and everyone at The Comfort Cub for doing what you do. It’s really a beautiful thing and I hope that I can help bring comfort to other’s as you have done for me.
